Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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