she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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