Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
