Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
