Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
