I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize