Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
