watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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