What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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