No stitches, just platelets and will power
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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