Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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