i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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