i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
