I hate all girls vehemently.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
