If that was your dad, he is hot
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
