i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
