I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Randomize
