he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
