Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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