Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
