I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm just crazy horny about you
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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