Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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