I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
