Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
