I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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