Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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