with your own penis?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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