the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize