2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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