Yo dont text me then not text me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
