Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Randomize
