Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
