Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
