Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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