This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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