Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
