you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
