Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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