i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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