Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
