when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
