hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
