I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
