That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
