You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
