dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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