talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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