Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
