I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
