i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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