No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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