I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize