Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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