Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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