i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
