Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize