Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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