I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
