I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You are a booty call, not a friend.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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