I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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