As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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