my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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