Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I enjoy the company of your penis
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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