I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
