Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Drunk is a universal language darling
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
