I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
