If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
