I just pynch a tree in the face
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
