I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
