College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
