I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Banned from zoo.
Again?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
