apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
