remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
