i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
In America we eat man semen.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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