we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
