Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
