The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
