Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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