How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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